Season 5

It's Arbor Day, and Spanky has decided to play hooky in order to avoid performing in the pageant the school is giving. Unfortunately, the truant officer sees to it that he makes it to school. Meanwhile, a couple of sideshow midgets have disguised themselves as children in order to sneak out for a little liberty. The truant officer mistakes them for real children and dutifully deposits them in the schoolroom, where they offer to take part in the pageant, performing a racy vaudeville number.

It's the first day of school, and Spanky and Alfalfa have cooked up a scheme to be sent home. Spanky fixes up Alfalfa with a phony toothache by blowing up a balloon in his mouth to create the illusion of swelling. But the new teacher has overheard their scheme. She sends them home, but only after letting them know about the ice cream that's on its way to the classroom. The toothache miraculously disappears, but the balloon gets caught in Alfalfa's throat. The teacher wants him to sing a song, which he does, complete with a high-pitched squeak every time he inhales.

Spanky has a plan to get some firecrackers away from Buckwheat and Porky so that he and Alfalfa can set them off. They disguise themselves as a man (with Spanky on Alfalfa's shoulders) and intimidate the two younger boys. Recess is over before they can light off the firecrackers, so Alfalfa puts them in his back pocket. Inside, he volunteers to recite "The Charge of the Light Brigade." As Porky focuses a magnifying glass on Alfalfa's back pocket, the poem receives some added special effects when the firecrackers go off.

Unable to get the local kids to pay a penny to see the gang's performance of ""Romeo and Juliet,"" Alfalfa gets them in by letting them pay as they exit if they like the show. As the show gets underway, Darla storms out, unable to tolerate Alfalfa's onion breath. After Spanky stalls off the crowd with his ""old act,"" the play continues with Buckwheat in the role of Juliet.

As school lets out, Spanky and Alfalfa send Buckwheat and Porky back into the building to deposit a phony doctor's note on the teacher's desk, so that they can skip school the next day and go to the circus. As the teacher's leaving, she tells the boys that she's taking the whole class to the circus. When they run back to the building to retrieve the notes, the little kids are just closing the doors, which are now locked. They show up that night to break into the school and get the note back. Stormy weather, a power outage, and various other spooky happenings, send all four boys - and the janitor - running for their lives.

There's a class reunion going on at Adams Street Grammar School, so the gang puts on a special show, Follies-style.

There's a new bully in town named Butch, and to save time, he'll just lick the toughest guy in the school rather than the whole class. Through a mishap, Alfalfa finds himself volunteered, but Spanky stalls Butch in order to organize a boxing match. Alfalfa is hopelessly outmatched in the ring, but fortunately, Buckwheat and Porky come to his rescue by conking Butch in the head from behind a curtain.

It's Valentine's Day, and the boys decide they don't want anything to do with it, forming ""The He-Man Woman-Haters' Club."" Almost immediately, Darla passes by and winks at Alfalfa, who drops the club like a hot potato and follows her for a picnic lunch. While Alfalfa pushes Darla on the swing, Spanky and Buckwheat replace the cheese in Alfalfa's sandwich with bar soap, and the cream in the cream puffs with liquid soap. Not wanting to offend Darla, Alfalfa eats all of it. In the classroom, he is summoned to sing a song for the class, which is punctuated with bubbles from Alfalfa's mouth.

The boys overhear the teacher requesting a week-long closure of the school so she can attend her sister's wedding. The superintendent of schools says that nothing short of an epidemic would accomplish that. The boys decide to create an epidemic, and inflate rubber balls under their shirts to give themselves fat stomachs, and paint spots around their eyes. Meanwhile, Waldo finds out that, in light of the students' exemplary grades, the superintendent will make an exception and close the school. He sends Porky to deliver a note to the boys, but Spanky doesn't have the patience to wait for Porky to remember which pocket it's in. The boys go to a doctor to be diagnosed, not realizing he's a veterinary doctor. He examines Buckwheat first, behind a closed door, leaving Spanky and Alfalfa to overhear details about monkey serums and the like. When the doctor leaves, they go in for Buckwheat, only to find a monkey sitting there.

Butch and Woim steal Buckwheat and Porky's marbles and smear tomatoes in their faces, so the two younger boys go to Spanky and Alfalfa, who are running a protection agency. After Alfalfa's failed attempt to intimidate the two bullies, Spanky brings in plan two: pelting the bullies with tomatoes. This leads to a chase that ends in the local ballet school. Inside, Spanky and Alfalfa disguise themselves as ballerinas and find themselves in the dance recital. Not to be outdone, Butch and Woim switch clothes with a couple of the boys in the recital and engage in a rough dance sequence with Alfalfa.

Spanky and Alfalfa are finding themselves with very little free time, as they have to babysit their infant siblings. They decide, with Buckwheat and Porky, to run away. As they arrive in a small town, they notice that the owners of the local bakery are feeding stray dogs. Spanky and Alfalfa ask for some treats for their dog, but only get dog biscuits. Buckwheat and Porky then walk right in with another dog, who turns out to belong to the proprietors. Playing along, the kindly folks give the two boys every treat they request for the dog. As the boys are all eating cake and cream puffs, the proprietors overhear them talking about being runaways. It's decided that the boys must be taught a lesson, so the man dresses as a local sheriff and arrests the boys, putting them in striped prison outfits.

The boys are treating Darla's father to repeated renditions of ""Home, Sweet Home,"" delivered with a liberal dose of cacophony. But it's getting late, and as they open the door to leave, it suddenly starts to rain. Mrs. Hood will sleep with Darla, while the four boys will share Mr. Hood's bed. It doesn't take long for him to leave for the living room couch, where he covers himself with a bearskin rug and dreams of the four boys as miniature devils poking him with pitchforks.

Alfalfa's putting on a William Tell-style performance with his popgun. He uses a mirror to shoot backwards at the apple on Buckwheat's head, only to find that the suction-cup dart has made a direct hit on Butch's nose. When it becomes clear that he's going to get beaten up, Alfalfa faints. This gives Spanky enough time to work up one of his schemes: he takes Alfalfa back to the clubhouse and puts him in bed. The bed has a hole through which Alfalfa can put his lower leg, so that Spanky can fix him up with a fake leg, complete with a misformed foot made out of a fish inside a long sock. The plan works on Butch, who learns that Alfalfa was injured sticking up for his pal, Butch.

The gang has turned their clubhouse into Spanky's Voice Studio, with the singular purpose of furthering Alfalfa's singing career. He's scheduled to perform at a radio contest in which Butch is also a contestant. The bully arrives at the studio to intimidate Spanky into keeping Alfalfa out of the show. Using a frog in a scarf, Spanky convinces Alfalfa that he's lost his voice, so the boys sit in the clubhouse listening to the show on the radio. Finally, Spanky gets a guilty conscience and takes Alfalfa to the station, where he wins the contest, even though his singing is repeatedly punctuated by the sound of a croaking frog.

Alfalfa's in military school, and has been writing home to Darla about his single-handed football victories. The only problem is, he's never played football in his life, and when he arrives home on the train, there's a huge throng of kids to welcome him with cheers. Spanky announces that Alfalfa will be leading the local team to victory in a football game being played that day. After spending half the game avoiding any action on the field, Alfalfa finally has to play, and his bungling actually results in success for his team.

Spanky has called the boys of the neighborhood together for a meeting. Upset that they weren't invited to the MacGillicudy girls' party, he proposes that they form a He-Man Woman Haters' Club and nominates Alfalfa as president. Alfalfa, meanwhile, is not at the clubhouse, but busy writing a love letter to Darla, giving it to Buckwheat and Porky to deliver. When he gets to the clubhouse and learns of his new duties (and of the paddle that will be used on all misbehaving members), he hurries over to Darla's house to retrieve the note. Buckwheat and Porky return, and let the boys know where Alfalfa's gone, so Spanky and the paddle-wielding Spike head over to Darla's. Once there, they can't find Alfalfa, but instead find Darla's cousin Amelia, who is actually Alfalfa. He/she flirts with the boys and finds that they, too, are unwilling to abide by the club's rules.

The gang is staging their annual follies show, but ""king of the crooners"" Alfalfa walks out on stage singing opera. Unwilling to give his fans what they want, he and Porky visit a local opera company, where the impresario jokingly gives Alfalfa a contract effective twenty years later. Alfalfa and Porky arrive back at the barn, where Alfalfa takes a nap. He dreams of becoming an opera star twenty years later, only to be booed on opening night. The impresario still has him under contract, and orders him to sing in the streets. He chances upon Spanky, who's just about to walk into his own nightclub, Club Spanky, and invites Alfalfa in. After watching all of his successful friends put on various performances in the club, Alfalfa decides he'll become a crooner again, only to be interrupted by the impresario. As he begs to be let go, Alfalfa wakes from his dream, and tearing up the contract, returns to the stage to croon again.

Spanky has a plan to get out of going to school in the morning. Alfalfa has stayed the night, and they convince Spanky's mom that Alfalfa is very sick, and that Spanky should stay home with him. When she finds out from Buckwheat and Porky that there's some fishing in their plans for the day, she goes shopping, and leaves Junior behind with the older boys. They try in vain to get Buckwheat to watch Junior, but only succeed in losing track of him. He ends up in a weight-reducing cabinet, and by some stroke of sheer idiocy, Spanky and Alfalfa both go in after him and lock the door behind themselves. Junior exits through the hole in top and turns the machine on.

There's a new girl named Darla moving into the neighborhood, and her father runs a circus, so the boys pay them a visit, claiming to be animal trainers. Alfalfa gets carried away with his boasting, claiming to have secret powers over bears. Darla's dad gets into a bear costume, and Alfalfa has to nervously train him. It actually works, and the bear begins to obey his commands.

Darla has to stay home to "mind the baby," and can't join the boys for their picnic. It turns out that she's spending the day in Waldo's boat, which crushes Alfalfa's spirit. Spanky decides that they'll make their own boat and race Waldo.

Spanky is passing off Alfalfa as a champion wrestler, and the two of them are trying to find an opponent that can't beat him. They eventually decide on Waldo, who is to be disguised as the Masked Marvel. When Butch catches wind of this, he switches places with Waldo and bounces Alfalfa around.

It's Mr. Hood's "natal anniversary," and the wife has fixed a nice dinner for him. Just as he's about to get started, the gang shows up to sing him a happy birthday song and give him gifts (a frog, a duck and a cat). The boys have good intentions, but repeatedly succeed in keeping Mr. Hood from eating.

The gang has its collective eye on a three dollar catcher's mitt, but needs another 20 cents. Luckily, Buckwheat arrives with ten cents which he just got from the tooth fairy. Alfalfa reasons that if the boys had all their teeth pulled, they could make a mint. They arrive at a dentist's office and announce their plans. The dentist takes Alfalfa into the operating room to teach the boys a scary lesson.

Alfalfa is a private eye, and with the help of Buckwheat and Porky, tracks a couple of suspects, Leonard and Junior, who are accused of stealing Darla's box of candy. The two little kids get into the cab of a flatbed truck, so the three sleuths climb in back and hide in a box. Leonard and Junior, however, simply exit the opposite side, unknown to the older boys. It turns out the truck is taking supplies to a haunted house carnival ride, which is where the boys find themselves, but they think their encountering actual spooks.