Your Fingers are Rivers of Intention with Trixie and Katya

Overview

Do you dream of living a life of romance, success, and not being a social disgrace as you awkwardly tap at your keyboard like a Dickensian ghost? With 3 easy payments of $99.99, you can be the proud owner of the year's hottest CD-ROM from Katya Zamo's Shift Happens Typing School. You’ll go from 7 pathetic words per minute to a blistering 80+ WPM because if you don't, you will perish loveless and alone, clutching your dial-up modem like a tragic relic. Watch in awe as our pixelated virtual tutor, “Key-Stroke Katya,” screams shockingly-cruel motivational threats while you master home-row Qwerty glory. Don't be a romantic and professional failure because you're a hunt and pecker! You can either type like a demon or slowly fade into the forgotten dust of the unremarkable, where your lonely keystrokes echo into an uncaring infinity until silence finally swallows your name whole.