Season 1

Frank asks the most brilliant Sharyn Hodgson whether you need a dog license in Australia; delivers news on the Timperley chemist's Tuesday opening hours; claims to have been a member of The Beatles; sings "Wild Thing" while dressed as Elvis; sinks the Spanish Armada; reads "Diddy" David Hamilton's palm; chairs a quiz; is bothered by James Whale; and has Timperley Bigshorts FC Guess Who's Been on Match of the Day. James Whale

Frank tries to bring the 2000 Olympics to Timperley; gives Dennis Taylor some lard; rides a tricycle while London Beat perform in front of a crashed Allegro; and beats Lee Chapman at Subbuteo.

Frank harangues shoppers in Timplerley; helps himself to Kevin Lloyd's Bisodol; gives Little Frank a good kicking; incriminates himself for stealing Mrs Merton's lawnmower; compares foot size with John Stalker; and listens to Oceanic.

Frank hosts Live Aid 2 from his shed; asks Adamski exactly what it is that he does; find out how loud Dennis Locorriere is allowed to play records; accuses Midge Ure of stealing his idea for Live Aid; puts toxic waste in tupperware; listens to The Farm; and sings about his Great Big Zoo Scrapbook.

Frank asks Gerry Anderson if he was based on The Hood. learns that there is no lard in space; hears UFO tales from Roy Lake; dances to Pop Will Eat Itself; and blasts Little Frank into space in a dustbin. Aliens dismiss the show as bobbins.

Frank opens up his garden for a bring and buy garden fete victoriana thingy; introduces Nicholas Parsons to the mild man from Borneo; forces Little Frank to inhale carbon monoxide; pushes an old lady's face into a fish tank; and dances round a maypole with an animal fortune teller.

Frank gives Mrs Merton's baby a can of pop; falls out with Emo; falls out with Allegro; asks Keith Chegwin for tips on modelling underpants; sees his turtle explode; suffers an existential crisis; borrows £2.55 off Bob Holness; listens to The Adventures; and is upstaged by Little Frank's supergroup.